A Doctor's Revenge

Hello Again! Yes it has been a while since I posted...having a baby is kinda like putting your old life on pause and slowly adding all the things you did before back into the fold. Well something so random happened this week that I knew I had to blog about it. And as anyone who is/remembers being a parent to an infant could guess...it has to do with poop.

Now I am fairly sure that my whole situation is a sick joke by the Family Practice Doctor that my son is assigned to (thank you Army). Like restaurant servers that spit in the food of the needy table 3 (she must have everything on her Cobb Salad on the side and the guy needs his root beer refilled 15 times without one thank you), I think my doctor ordered a bunch of tests that she knew would be a REAL pain in the ass.

So what happened is...
Little Bug has some wicked tummy issues. I am talking writhing-in-pain-up-all-night-screaming-high-pitched-enough-to-shatter-glass type of issues. I won't go into what his poop looks like, but let's leave it at...NOT NORMAL.

When explaining our problems to the doc she tried to push them aside, but I kept coming at her with other questions. Now I might have been just a teensie bit rude because I want my son to see a Pediatrician, not a doctor that is busy treating warts, high blood pressure, menopause, erectile dysfunction and everything else under the sun.

Finally, she sighed, and asked if I'd like her to order a fecal test.

A, as in ONE, fecal test for my son.

Yes, I said I would like that.

So she sent me to the lab where the fun began...When I arrived the lab techs looked at the order in the computer like it was showing Justin Timberlake on SNL, they outright laughed. Turns out whatever the lovely doc ordered it involved me filling 3 small viles with poop, putting more into another little cup and freezing it and finally getting some into another cup and driving it like a bat out of hell to the hospital on base within 1 HOUR of it being pooped.

Oh and by the way...don't get any urine mixed in. HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Seriously.

No, seriously...he is 4 months old...and poops AND pees in a diaper. No urine, huh. Hmmm. The lab tech acknowledged it would be a challenge.

So three days, a broken poop spatula, and an early morning drive to the hospital before coffee/breakfast/make-up/etc--I went from being annoyed at our doctor to haaaaating our doctor.

And I am pretty sure there is some urine in there.